Death Doula: What If Talking About Death Could Teach Us How to Live? | Emily Paulsen & Kacie Gikonyo
Most of us don’t want to think about death, much less talk about it. But avoidance doesn’t prevent the inevitable. It only leaves us—and the people we love—more unprepared when the time comes. In this week’s episode of Curious Life of a Childfree Woman, I spoke with Kacie Gikonyo, a former nurse turned death doula educator and founder of Death Doula School. Kacie has guided hundreds of individuals and families through end-of-life, and her work reframes death not as something to fear, but as something to understand. The more we normalize it, she says, the more it teaches us about living.
One of the most powerful parts of our conversation was Kacie’s description of a “death plan.” Just as we make birth plans to guide how we welcome new life into the world, a death plan gives us a voice in how we want to leave it. Who do we want at our bedside? What environment would bring us peace? What music, rituals, or personal details matter most? Far from being morbid, these choices are acts of self-definition. They bring dignity to our final days and comfort to those who remain.
We also talked about the often-ignored financial realities of dying in America. End-of-life care can cost tens of thousands of dollars per month. Without preparation, many people end up in situations that don’t reflect their values, or families are left to navigate impossible choices in the middle of crisis. Planning isn’t just about medical and legal documents—it’s about protecting our independence, easing emotional conflict, and ensuring our care reflects who we are.
Kacie also shared a practice that has stayed with me: sitting with your “dying self” each day. It’s a way of asking, would my dying self be proud of how I spent my time today? Or would she wish I had chosen differently? That simple reflection can shift how we approach our days, moving us toward presence, gratitude, and fewer regrets.
Curious About End-of-Life Planning? Start Here.
If this conversation left you wondering how to take practical steps, here are a few ways to begin:
Create a death plan: Think about who you’d want in the room, the environment you’d prefer, and any details that would make your final days feel meaningful.
Address the financial side: Research long-term care options and costs, and begin setting aside resources to protect your independence later.
Complete essential documents: Make sure you have a medical and financial power of attorney, a living will, and any directives that reflect your wishes.
Talk about it: Share your decisions with loved ones so there’s no confusion when the time comes. Hearing it from you matters as much as having it on paper.
Practice presence: Try Kacie’s approach of sitting with your dying self each day and asking if today’s choices reflect the life you truly want.
Let’s Stay Curious Together
This episode reminded me that talking about death isn’t about fear—it’s about clarity, legacy, and living with intention. Preparing for the inevitable is one of the most powerful ways to protect both ourselves and those we love.
You can listen to the full conversation with Kacie Gikonyo on Curious Life of a Childfree Woman wherever you get your podcasts.
I’d love to hear from you: what’s one choice you’d want reflected in your death plan?
Share with me on Instagram @curiouslifeofachildfreewoman. Let’s stay curious together.
