Childfree Joy: How Do We Define Who We Are? | Emily Paulsen & M. Shannon Hernandez
When we talk about happiness, it’s usually tied to something external. A relationship that feels easy, a career milestone, a long-awaited vacation. But happiness is fleeting, often dependent on circumstances outside our control. In this week’s episode of Curious Life of a Childfree Woman, I spoke with M. Shannon Hernandez, founder of Joyful Business Revolution and author of Practical Joy. Shannon shared why she believes joy, not happiness, is the deeper measure of a fulfilling life. Joy, as she puts it, is an inside job. It’s not about chasing what feels good in the moment but about choosing alignment with our values, our identity, and our daily practices.
Shannon’s own story illustrates this difference. She’s lived through challenges that didn’t feel happy at all, serious health scares, a spouse’s gender transition, family pushback around her childfree choice. Yet she learned to stay grounded by finding what she calls “micro-joys”, small moments like savoring a cup of coffee or sitting with a good book, that reminded her she still had agency, even in seasons of uncertainty. For Shannon, joy isn’t about bypassing difficulty. It’s about refusing to let external events dictate our internal compass. And when joy becomes the anchor, it transforms how we navigate change, set boundaries, and define who we are at our core.
Joy as Self-Expression
One of the most powerful parts of our conversation was how Shannon connected joy to identity. So many of us describe ourselves by what we do, our job titles, our family roles, our responsibilities. But who are we when those labels are stripped away? Shannon reminded me that joy flows from self-expression, from showing up as our truest selves even when it’s unpopular or misunderstood. Sometimes that means making unconventional choices, like staying in a marriage through a major identity shift or rejecting expectations about parenthood. Sometimes it simply means having the courage to say no, to set a boundary, or to stop people-pleasing. Joy, in this sense, is about living authentically, not performing happiness for others.
Curious About Finding Joy? Start Here.
If this episode has you wondering how to bring more joy into your own life, here are a few ways to begin this week:
Name your values: Write down the three to five lifestyle values that matter most to you right now, and use them as filters for decisions.
Look for micro-joys: Notice the small things that make you feel grounded or alive, and give them more space in your daily routine.
Redefine identity beyond roles: Ask yourself who you are without your job title, your family label, or your external achievements.
Set a boundary that creates space for joy: Say no to something that drains you, even if it’s small. Notice how that opens room for what lights you up.
Check your alignment: Pick one area of your life, work, relationships, home, and ask if it reflects your current values. If not, what’s one change you can make?
Let’s Stay Curious Together
This episode reminded me that joy isn’t fragile or fleeting. It’s a practice, a choice, and a way of living that holds steady even when circumstances don’t. Whether you’re rethinking your identity, navigating change, or simply seeking more presence in your day-to-day, joy is a measure worth returning to.
You can listen to the full conversation with M. Shannon Hernandez on Curious Life of a Childfree Woman wherever you get your podcasts.
I’d love to hear from you: what’s one micro-joy or value you want to bring more of into your life right now?
Share with me on Instagram @curiouslifeofachildfreewoman. Let’s stay curious together.
