Human Design: What If Understanding Your Energy Could Help You Stop Self-Sacrificing? | Emily Paulsen & Sam Nelson

Sam Nelson from Human Aligned is a certified life and health coach and human design analyst who helps people reconnect with their energetic blueprint. When we talked, what struck me immediately was how she framed her work: you don't need to believe in human design. You just need to experiment with being yourself.

I've been hearing about human design everywhere lately. It's become the new version of "what's your sign?" when you meet someone for the first time. But I had no idea what it actually meant or how to use it to make my life easier.

Human design is a synthesis of ancient wisdom and modern science. It pulls together astrology, the I Ching, the Kabbalistic Tree of Life, the Brahman chakra system, quantum physics, and genetics. It's a practical map for remembering who you are instead of who you were told to be. Essentially, it's a user manual for your energy.

The Five Types

When you pull your chart, you'll get assigned a type. There are five types, and your type tells you your energetic role and how you're designed to operate in the world.

Manifesters are initiators who start things but don't sustain them. They spark movements and then disappear before the crowd arrives. Generators are builders who sustain life through work that feels good. When they're doing something they love, they light up. Sam calls it a glitter parade because people are magnetized to that energy. Manifesting generators are the hybrid, multitasking and fast, breaking rules and still winning. Projectors are guides who see systems and direct energy but aren't meant to do it all. Reflectors are wildly rare with zero defined energy centers, sampling the world and reflecting its health back.

I'm a generator, and everything Sam said about me felt spot on. My gut knows things well before my brain does. When I trust that instinct, I'm always right. But sometimes my brain talks me out of it, and I waste time before eventually coming back to what I knew instinctually from the start.

Why We Minimize Our Gifts

One of the things Sam said that hit me hard was how quick we all are to judge ourselves harder than we judge anybody else. We minimize what we do really well because if something comes easily to us, we assume it comes easily to everybody. So we automatically discount it.

Sam shared an example from her own chart. She has a defined root, which means she's great with deadlines. For the longest time, she thought she was a procrastinator. But if she says she'll get something done in two weeks and beats herself up for procrastinating every day but manages to get it done the night before on time and usually pretty well, she's not procrastinating. She just needs crunch time.

If you're really good at doing last minute work, you're not necessarily procrastinating. You're just putting a negative label on what you apparently do really well. Instead of recognizing it as a gift, you give yourself these little micro kicks for no reason.

Nobody can do it all. Even people who say they don't have any gifts are completely overlooking them or don't see their gifts as something that has value. We've been told that we have to work for things that are valuable. If it's not hard, it's not tangible.

Just because something comes easy to you does not mean it's not valuable.

Deconditioning: Stripping Away Who You Were Told to Be

One of the biggest concepts in human design is called deconditioning. From the moment we become verbal, especially as women, we start getting told no. This little energetic being that wants to express everything just keeps getting smaller and smaller.

Our first relationship with our parents is often the most formative because we're molding ourselves to who we perceive them to want us to be. We think, "If I do this, I'll make them upset. If I do this, I'll make them happy." So we start throwing away the parts of us that are actually us.

Then school tells us to stop moving, don't fidget, be quiet. Women get smaller. We're in social situations where maybe somebody doesn't like this part of you, so you hide it. We get to adulthood and we've forgotten what we've tried to forget. We're all just this version of ourselves that we've built from outside perceptions of who we think they want us to be.

Human design helps you start seeing what actually resonates. It's pulling you back to who you were before all the conditioning. And it's one big experiment. You can't make the wrong choice by trying to figure out who you are.

Doing Less Might Be the Answer

Sam said something that felt revolutionary: human design is about removing things instead of adding them. We're always adding modalities and tasks and to-do lists trying to become ourselves. In reality, a lot of times we just have to remove things. It's doing less.

For me as a generator with a defined sacral, I have the motor that can keep me going. So when Sam says do less, she means do less of the things I don't want to do so I actually get to rest. Because generators will keep running whether it's something that lights them up or not.

If I keep running on something that doesn't light me up, people will give me accolades for turning myself inside out because I have this motor that keeps going. In reality, it's not giving me life. It's taking it away.

Do less of the things that are not for you so you have time and energy to do the things that are for you and the things that bring you joy. That's the entire point.

We Need to Stop Celebrating Self-Sacrifice

Sam challenged something I hadn't fully articulated but have been feeling for a long time. We've all started earning badges and awards for running ourselves into the ground. "I only got five hours of sleep." "I did this." "I did that." When did this turn into a competition, and why is anybody winning?

We bond over hardship. It's become common to celebrate struggle. There's no prize for self-sacrifice. We all just get to commiserate together.

I thought about what it would look like to go into a business meeting and say, "I went to bed at eight. I slept for ten hours." That should be the most praised behavior in the room. But it's martyrdom. Everyone wants to prove they're working hard too.

What are we actually winning? Nothing. We're losing individually.

Sam and I talked about starting to celebrate ease instead of struggle. What if we marked down what was easy for us today? Not what we're grateful for in that performative way, but what did we enjoy? What was simple? What worked for us?

Let's Stay Curious Together

Sam shared practical ways to start experimenting with being yourself. Here are a few places to begin:

Pull your free human design chart. Visit humanaligned.com or use Sam's Instagram @humanaligned to get your chart. You'll need your exact birth time and location.

Write down what was easy for you today. Not what you're grateful for, but what genuinely felt effortless and joyful. Start recognizing ease as a sign of alignment.

Ask your best friend to list 10 things they love about you. You'll be surprised by what's on that list that you never would've thought of yourself.

Do less instead of adding more. Before adding another modality or task to your life, ask what you can remove that's not serving you.

Take a left instead of a right. Try something new, even if it's small. Sample different things without judgment. You're allowed to change your mind.

Stop celebrating exhaustion. The next time someone tells you they're running on no sleep, don't match their energy. Share that you rested well instead.

Trust your gut before your brain talks you out of it. If you're a generator like me, notice when your body knows something before your brain does, and act on it.

Moving Forward

You can listen to Episode 61 of Curious Life of a Childfree Woman wherever you get your podcasts. Sam and I also continued this conversation on Substack, where she shares her childfree journey, her experience with tube removal and breast implant illness, and navigating the medical system as a woman. Join the Curious Life Club for free at curiouslifeofachildfreewoman.substack.com to access that bonus content.

Find more reflections on Instagram @curiouslifeofachildfreewoman.

Let's stay curious together.