Childfree Identity: What Are Women Feeling All Around the World? | Emily Paulsen & Nicole Louie
When I first started calling myself “childfree,” I’ll admit—I didn’t think much about the word. It felt accurate. Clean. Clear.
But over time, I’ve noticed how often that one word gets used to sum up an entire life.
As if we’re all the same. As if the reason why we don’t have children tells the whole story.
This week, I had the chance to speak with Nicole Louie—an author and researcher who’s spent over a decade listening to the stories of women without children across 25 countries. Her work reminds us that identity isn’t just about how we describe ourselves. It’s about what we carry, what we’ve experienced, and how we’ve been shaped by the cultures we move through.
And if there’s one thing her book, Others Like Me, makes beautifully clear—it’s this:
There’s no one way to live a life without children.
And there’s definitely no one way to feel about it.
What Happens When We Step Outside the Labels
Nicole started her research hoping to feel less alone. Like so many of us, she was looking for a sense of belonging—a roadmap, a mirror, a conversation that made her feel seen.
But the more women she spoke to, the more the labels began to fall apart.
Some identified as childfree with pride.
Others rejected the word completely.
Some were childless not by choice, but didn’t feel connected to that label either.
Many felt both peace and grief. Certainty and ambivalence. Joy and loss. Sometimes all at once.
That complexity isn’t a flaw. It’s the truth. And it's one we rarely hear reflected back.
A Global Tapestry of Silence and Strength
One of the most powerful parts of our conversation was hearing what Nicole learned across different cultures.
In Ghana, women told her they were accused of “acting like white women” for choosing not to have children.
In Thailand, Buddhist women faced pressure to marry and reproduce within religious expectations.
In parts of Europe and North America, the assumptions are quieter—but still ever-present: Who will take care of you when you're old? Are you sure you'll never regret it?
No matter where we live, it seems, women without children are met with a kind of conditional curiosity. The world still expects a reason. A justification. A story that makes sense to them.
Nicole’s work gently rejects all of that—and invites us to listen instead.
Not to sort people.
Not to simplify their lives.
But to witness what it actually feels like to be a woman living outside the default.
Curious About Childfree Identity Around the World?
Here are a few ways to explore this conversation more deeply:
Notice the labels you use—and the ones that don’t fit anymore. Identity is fluid. If a word no longer feels true, you don’t have to keep carrying it.
Seek stories outside your own circle. There’s something transformative about hearing how other women navigate childfree life in cultures, economies, and families different from yours.
Resist the pressure to explain. You don’t owe anyone your origin story. Your identity doesn’t need to be translated to be valid.
Ask better questions. If someone’s experience doesn’t mirror your own, try asking, “What has this been like for you?” instead of jumping to categorize.
Support representation in all forms. Whether it’s books, podcasts, media, or policy—visibility matters. And so does the complexity behind it.
Let’s Stay Curious Together
For many of us, being childfree isn’t just a life stage or a label. It’s something that touches how we’re seen, how we’re treated, and how we define ourselves in a world that still defaults to motherhood.
Nicole’s work reminded me that our identities don’t need to match—but they do deserve to matter.
I’d love to know: How do you relate to the term “childfree”? Does it feel right to you—or are you still figuring that out?
Come join the conversation over on Instagram at@curiouslifeofachildfreewoman.
