Womanhood: What If Care Didn’t Have to Mean Sacrifice? | Emily Paulsen & Dr. Gertrude Lyons
We don’t talk enough about how often women are praised for disappearing. For being selfless, agreeable, emotionally contained. From an early age, we’re taught to seek approval by overextending ourselves and calling it kindness. We’re rewarded for putting other people’s needs first, for avoiding conflict, for performing care even when it costs us our clarity, our energy, or our truth.
And even if you’ve chosen a life that looks different, it doesn’t mean those expectations disappear. They just shape-shift. They follow you into relationships, into work, into the quiet moments when you wonder, “Why do I still feel like I need to explain myself?” That’s what this week’s conversation with Dr. Gertrude Lyons brought into focus: the hidden codes so many of us live by without even realizing it. And how rewriting them starts with one very human act: getting curious.
Being Unshakeable Doesn’t Mean Being Hard
There’s a version of confidence that’s often sold to women as strength, one that’s about hustle, sharpness, defense. But real confidence, the kind that sustains you when people question your choices or misunderstand your path, often looks much quieter. It’s not defensive. It’s grounded. It comes from knowing who you are, not from needing everyone else to.
Dr. Lyons offered a powerful metaphor in our conversation: the tree that bends with the wind, but doesn’t break. The strength of that tree doesn’t come from rigidity it comes from its roots. That’s what we’re building when we choose to live intentionally. A sense of rootedness that allows us to hold our truth without needing to argue for it. And in a culture that still romanticizes sacrifice, that kind of calm certainty can feel radical.
What struck me most is how often women assume they’ll finally feel confident after everyone stops questioning them. But that moment never comes. There’s always a next expectation, a next assumption, a next opinion to navigate. The only sustainable option is to stop seeking validation and start deepening our relationship with ourselves.
Being in Relationship With Your Emotions Is the Starting Point
One of the most actionable and beautiful parts of our conversation was around emotional presence. In a world that often treats emotions as something to suppress or manage, Dr. Lyons reminded me that our feelings aren’t flaws—they’re signals. Tuning into them isn’t indulgent. It’s intelligent. It’s part of how we learn to trust ourselves and stay honest about what we need.
She offered a simple but powerful practice: check in with your emotions a few times a day. Not to fix or control them, but just to name them. Ask, “What am I feeling right now?”—and see if you can name it without judgment. Is it fear? Sadness? Anger? Joy? Being able to recognize your emotional landscape is the foundation for making clearer, more aligned decisions.
She also emphasized the difference between expressing your emotions recklessly and being in relationship with them. Sometimes it’s not the right moment to cry or shout or release—but you can still let your body know, “I see you. I’ll come back to this later.” That internal dialogue matters. It creates safety. And over time, it creates a sense of self-trust that doesn’t require external approval to feel valid.
Curious About Living With More Clarity and Less Compromise? Start Here.
If you’re exploring what it means to define womanhood on your own terms, here are a few small but powerful steps you can take this week:
Take 60 seconds, twice a day, to pause and ask: What am I feeling right now? Name it honestly even if no one else will hear it.
Notice where you’re still equating kindness with self-sacrifice. Can you be generous without betraying yourself?
Pay attention to when you start overexplaining a choice. What would it feel like to simply state it, with no disclaimer?
Reflect on your personal “root system.” What keeps you grounded when other people question your path? How do you remind yourself of what’s true?
If you’ve been called selfish, revisit the moment. Were you actually being selfish—or were you just being clear?
Let’s Stay Curious Together
This isn’t about being louder. It’s about being more you. Redefining womanhood doesn’t mean rejecting everything we were taught, it means choosing what still fits and releasing what doesn’t. It’s quiet, ongoing work. But it’s powerful.
You can listen to the full conversation with Dr. Gertrude Lyons on Curious Life of a Childfree Woman wherever you get your podcasts. And if this opened something up for you, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Come join me on Instagram @curiouslifeofachildfreewoman and tell me what you're rewriting right now.
Let’s stay curious together.
