Intentional Beauty: What If It Was About Presence, Not Perfection? | Emily Paulsen & Jess Elbaum
What does beauty mean when it’s no longer about impressing anyone?
In a recent episode of Curious Life of a Childfree Woman, I spoke with celebrity hair and makeup artist Jess Elbaum about how our relationship with beauty evolves—not just as we age, but as we step into a life led by choice and presence. From the pressure of camera-ready glam to the quiet joy of skincare rituals that feel nourishing, Jess brings warmth, humor, and deep self-awareness to a conversation that felt like a breath of fresh air.
We didn’t talk about beauty trends. We talked about beauty as intention, self trust and presence.
What Beauty Looks Like When You’re Not Trying to Impress
One of the things Jess and I kept circling back to was this:
When beauty is no longer about being seen—when it’s not a performance—it becomes something so much more powerful. It becomes grounding.
Jess shared how being childfree has given her the time and space to create routines that support her—not to “fix” anything, but to feel more like herself. She called herself a late bloomer when it comes to wellness and movement, and I really resonated with that. Sometimes, having the space to bloom later is its own kind of gift. Especially when no one else is setting the timeline.
We talked about how childfree life doesn’t automatically make self-care easy—but it does remove certain obstacles. There’s less guilt. Fewer urgent pulls. More room to ask, “What do I need today?”
Redefining Beauty as a Way to Come Home to Yourself
So many of us grew up thinking beauty had to be earned. Or proven. Or achieved. But what happens when we shift that narrative?
For Jess, beauty routines have evolved into something far more personal. It's not about staying relevant or looking younger—it’s about taking care of herself in ways that feel good, supportive, and sustainable. She reminded me that we get to write our own definitions. And for both of us, that includes beauty rituals that act as a kind of soft anchor—a way to check in, be present, and reconnect with our own energy.
Whether it's a swipe of lipstick, a favorite oil, or just the act of slowing down long enough to put moisturizer on with intention, these seemingly small moments become ways of saying: I matter. Not to anyone else. But to me.
That shift—from external to internal—is where beauty gets really interesting. And really liberating.
It’s Not About Eye Cream—It’s About Agency
Don’t get me wrong—we did talk about eye cream. And scalp care. And how makeup artists like Jess end up becoming unofficial therapists in their clients’ chairs. But what stayed with me most was the reminder that beauty—when chosen with presence—can be a form of agency.
It’s not about masking flaws.
It’s not about achieving some ideal.
It’s about being in relationship with yourself, and choosing how you show up.
That’s the kind of beauty I want more of in my life.
Curious About Intentional Beauty?
If you’ve ever found yourself questioning your relationship with beauty—or wondering how to make it feel less like pressure and more like peace—here are a few reflection prompts from our conversation:
Am I doing this for me—or out of habit or expectation?
How does this routine make me feel in my body?
What have I let go of over time? And what have I lovingly held onto?
If no one saw me today, would I still show up this way?
Is there something I can do today to feel supported—not just presentable?
We get to choose how we care for ourselves. That includes how we engage with beauty, self-expression, and all the ways we show up in the world.
You don’t have to justify your rituals. You don’t have to earn your glow.
You just have to give yourself permission to care.
Let’s Stay Curious Together
This episode reminded me that beauty isn’t shallow—it can be deeply sustaining when it’s rooted in self-trust and intention.
I’d love to know: how has your relationship with beauty changed over time? What parts of your routine feel joyful? What have you outgrown?
Come share with me on Instagram at@curiouslifeofachildfreewoman. I’d love to hear your reflections, your favorite rituals, and the small ways you’re showing up for yourself right now.
